Banish those old demons and stop being held back financially
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
What do you beieve about money?
We have just spoken about beliefs about money itself, now lets move on to beliefs about you having money.
Some people believe that they don’t really deserve to be rich.
Some believe that they shouldn’t be successful and rich (”its not right for people like me”)
If you have those kinds of beliefs, and then you do manage to become wealthy you may struggle with feelings of guilt or shame.
I have known people have these feelings quite strongly, and it has affected their thinking, and their actions.
They subconsciously try to get rid of the money, they…
- Lose it
- Waste it
- Give it away
- Invest foolishly
To try to numb the feelings, they may
- Drink excessively
- Overeat
- Use drugs
- Have affairs
- Do other destructive, risky, or self-sabotaging behaviours.
If you want to change your results with money you need to change your attitude to it.
- Value money,
- Respect money
- Do worthwhile things with money.
Money flows through the fingers of those who do not understand it, or take care of it, or use it wisely.
Your money-skills
Some people say things like, “I’m not very good with money” or “I’ve never got any money” or even worse, “I’ll never have any money”.
Being good with money, acquiring money and using money to make your life better is a skill that all of us can learn. Saying that you are just not very good with money is a cop-out. An excuse. A way of not taking responsibility.
Money doesn’t just come to you (usually) you have to do something to get it and keep it and use it wisely. It doesn’t just happen. You can take responsibility for making that happen. If you don’t take responsibility for making it happen, you need someone who takes that responsibility for you. Somebody has to be good with money, or you have none.
Detailed belief changes
The starting point for acquiring money is to change beliefs.
- Believe that you have an unlimited capacity to obtain all the money that you will ever need.
- See yourself as a financial success
- Feel like a person who is deserving of all the money that you can honestly acquire.
- Let those images, thoughts, ideas and feelings guide you in what is foreground, and what becomes the scenery. Allow your decisions to be made while taking in the big picture (i.e. everything that you want in life, not just your immediate needs).
(If you know about NLP, or if you can get to an NLP practitioner, make the concepts of a ‘moneyed you’ have plenty of sensory detail. Anchor those states)
Keep your focus wide, and stay ethical
The preoccupation with money, to the exclusion of the really important things in life, is a problem - not money itself. Behaviours fuelled by greed, and pursuits driven by a sense of entitlement (rather than those of responsibility) not only hurt other people, they hurt the self, too. They have a stunting affect on our personal growth.
We can grow on a personal level and accumulate wealth at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
- Earn your money honestly.
- Treat people with respect.
- Be loyal to people who have treated you well.
- Work to get what you want
- Take responsibility for your financial situation
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Money is essential to our lives, and also essential is having good relationships, being loved, loving, laughing and being relaxed and at peace.
Decide now which beliefs about money are not serving you well.
Confront those beliefs by asking yourself, “what if the opposite is true?”
Be the person that you want to be. Create the financial situation that you want.
Do not confuse money with happiness or with success.
But, alter your opinion, attitude, and beliefs about money and your financial life has the potential to change your life, by impacting on your decisions and actions.
5 ways to become a millionaire
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
How-to?
Once you have decided that you want to become wealthy, you will need to know how you can do that.
Here are the five main ways that fortunes are made in America
(if you know of a source of similar statistics relating to the UK, please post a comment or email me)
- Having a self-owned businesses (74%)
Entrepreneurship of all kinds
Businesses built from the ground up.
- A professional at the top of his or her game (15%)
Doctors, lawyers, architects, structural engineers, scientists, etc,
Become very, very, good at what you do
The top five percent in any field earn 10-20 times more than the average in that field
- Being a senior business executive (10%)
Join a large corporation and work with them for a lot of years.
Rise to positions of seniority
Take stock options, profit sharing and bonus options.
- Sales people and consultants (5%)
It is not necessary to have a degree to be skilled in sales
You don’t have to start your own business
Become very, very good at selling products or services and invest wisely
- Sports, music and other celebrities, inventors, authors, lottery winners, beneficiaries of inheritance (1%)
Only 1%?
‘Fraid so.
The chances are slimmer, but you do get to live your dream
What to do about it
It seems that there is a direct relationship between excellent performance and the kind of high income that leads to financial independence.
So, if you want to become a millionaire - decide what you really enjoy doing (and have a talent or aptitude for) and then throw your whole being into doing it extremely well.
If you are really serious about becoming a millionaire, you must take steps towards it by taking the actions that matter.
- What is it that you are doing right now that is leading you to becoming wealthy?
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- What changes do you need to make in your life to enable your path towards millionairedom more direct?
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- see also Goal Setting and more about money skills
How do I know I need Anger Management?
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
Angry behaviours captured on video.
Below are some links to videos of people doing inappropriate behaviours because they feel that they cannot manage their anger.
There are all sorts of ways that we behave that are inappropriate. You know -nobody is perfect. We could all over-react, and probably have done at one time or another.
If over-reactions are becoming habitual, you may decide that you would like to do something about it. Either you dont feel good about what you are doing, or you feel uncomfortable or ashamed, or perhaps people around you have let you know that it needs to stop.
Some examples of inappropriate behaviours are shown in the videos below. This is by no means an exhaustive list. (if you know of more, or better, please let me know).
In displaying the videos it is my intention to let you see how things might look from the perspective of other people.
- You could be caught on video, doing your angry displays!
If you feel that you would like to speak with me to address some of your issues around emotions, please get in touch. You will be treated with respect and understanding. The main focus will be to help you to change things and put things right.
Missed Flight
After missing her flight to San Francisco, the woman throws a tantrum that was filmed by an employee of the airline Cathay Pacific.
She is seen screaming at the departure gate and then falls to the ground wailing “I want to go! I want to go!” in Cantonese while an older man traveling with her tries to get her on her feet. “Don’t be so upset, don’t be so emotional,” a Cathay Pacific employee is heard saying on the video.
Watch closely, because at the very end of the video, she stops acting hysterical and begins to give her travelling companion a hard time. She takes her anger our on him, and he has done nothing to contribute to her anger
- Having a silly tantrum, but look at the end of the video, very subtle anger / bullying towards her male friend
Laptop
Dad in the garden playing with card tricks. Son on the stairs on laptop. Mum over-reacts, much to the surprise of dad. How does dad handle this afterwards? How does mums behaviour affect their relationship?
Go to youtube video of mum with sons laptop. See how a brief moment of going out of control can cause sadness to someone else
- Spontaneous loss of control
Office Rage
This is an extreme version of a rage. Most people do not go this far. However, take a look at this video.
- Flipping out and having a big impact on others
If you are tempted to be amused by what happened, and giggle - take a look at another version of the same thing - listen to how frightened people are. Getting itno a rage really frightens the people around you
- Version with sound
Feeling Entitled to show everyone how angry you feel
Some people have a problem with anger that stems from the fact that they feel entitled to show and display their anger to everyone around - no matter how deep the degree. In fact, as the level of frutration increases, so does the feeling of entitlement to show others just how mad they feel.
Notice, not only how undignified it appears to others, but also, how frightening and disturbing it is for other people
- “I believe that I’m entitled to show just how frustrated I feel”
Blaming others for what is not their fault
This needs little explanation. He got into a rage and lost all notions of proper conduct, and didnt consider any consequences tha would resut from his actions
This professional man was arrested.
What would have happened if the police were not there already?
- Blind rage
Go to the page on anger management counselling
Neuroscience and Psychotherapy: A Relational Experience Measured
February 15, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
Neuroscience and psychotherapy
Relational experiences show actual changes in the brain
The brain and the mind are interlinked. There have recently been great advances in our understanding of how the brain and the mind are influenced and affected by each other.
Hence, the knowledge that neuroscience has given us, has informed the way that many therapists now practice, and it has influenced how they think about what goes on in therapy.
The effects of relationship can be monitored in the brain
Using a developmental framework, neuroscience helps us to see the significance of the baby’s early relationships, e.g. that the significance of the infant looking into mothers face, and the mother looking back, and how this relational experience makes changes in the brain.
What goes on in the therapy room is also a very important experiencing of relationship. So, having relational needs met, between therapist and client, affects the brain. We now know that changes in chemistry take place. Previously it was only proven that medications could do this, now it is proven that relational therapy changes brain chemistry. This is very exciting.
The way in which the advances of neuroscience have changed he way that therapist’s work
Good therapists have always known that the therapeutic relationship is a healing medium, set apart from the content of the work done between therapist and client. So, the advances in neuroscience has just ‘proved’ that relationship has a therapeutic effect, and so therapist’s carry on doing, relationally, what they have always known is beneficial.
But, one of the things that therapists didn’t know before is regarding trauma therapy and the brain.
Changes in brain chemistry take place
Neuroscience has now proven that when therapists facilitate clients to tell stories about their past trauma’s (critical incident debriefing, for example) it can incite clients into re-experiencing that trauma - and what happens in the brain as that is happening is that it reinforces and strengthens the neural pathway. The results, then, can be that the client experiences not only, a repeat of the trauma, but actually a deepening of the damaging trauma.
Ever since I was a trainee psychotherapist, and a client with trauma presented, I never felt that I could do critical debriefing ‘right’. We were supposed use a technique to invite clients to go over the traumatic experience, in story form, for the sake of debriefing the experience, with the hope of bringing all elements of it into conscious awareness and thereby eliminate the monstrousness of it (amongst other things).
But when I tried this, I found that clients would become traumatised before my very eyes. And, if I carried on, they would have to leave the session like this and drive home in that state (which I considered to be dangerous).
So, I stopped using that process and focussed on acknowledging the pain, understanding the impact of the events today (not re-living them as they were) using soothing strategies, building on clients strengths, and regaining confidence and high-functioning.
Therapists Processes.
Because the relationship is as important as concepts discussed in therapy, therapists need to continue to use both their left-brain (cognitive) processes and their right-brain (empathic) processes, in work with clients.
This means that therapists offer information to clients, and stimulate their thinking, and at the same time the therapist uses an empathic manner so that the client benefits from the relational experience.
Psychotherapists have always been known about, and been mindful of working with clients as a whole being, where the client’s mind-body-brain make up a system and each impacts on the other. Now, we therapists, have the benefit of the discoveries in the world of neuroscience to help us to support our knowledge with scientific evidence.
Bullying at work
February 15, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
Shouting, abusive language or a lot of demands constitues being mistreated, and can be part of workplace bullying
What is bullying at work?
Bullying may also be called ‘harassment’ ‘unfair treatment’ ‘punishing conditions’.
Definition:
‘The repeated, malicious, health-endangering mistreatment of one employee, by one or more employees (bullies). The mistreatment is psychological violence, a mix of verbal and strategic assaults to prevent the person from performing work well’
How do I recognise bullying at work?
Issues include being on the receiving end of:
- Constant criticism
- Abusive behaviour
- Isolation (being moved)
- Constant monitoring
- Being ’set up’
- Being lied about
- Being lied to
there can be physical, mental and emotional symptoms experienced by people who are on the receiving end of bullying
Physical symptoms:
- Sleeplessness
- Very noticeable weight gain or loss
- Panic attacks
- Lack of motivation
Emotions of the person being bullied
- Anger (against self and against abuser)
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Fear
- Guilt
- Sense of failure
Possible scenarios:
- Bullied person feels that they are not being heard by anyone
- There is no support from others
- People at work, shrug, or are saying that, “its all in your mind”
- Family and friends just say, “confront the bully”, or “blow the whistle”
The impact on bullied people
Trying to raise to every challenge can be draining
When you are being bullied in the workplace, your confidence has been shattered and you may have no strength to confront the bully.
You would benefit from having someone understand what you are going through.
If you were being bullied at school or at home (domestic abuse) you could contact organisations that would be happy to step in and stop the bullying.
What normally prevents people who are on the receiving end of bullying in the workplace, however, is the fear of losing their job. This usually prevents the person complaining to their employer. Sometimes the person has told their immediate manager and nothing has been done. Again, fear (of retribution, or of not being believed) often prevents the person from making a formal complaint to those higher up than their immediate manager.
Even though the bullying may have been going on for a long time (a year or more) there is probably very little hard evidence that will support the person’s case of being bullied.
What kinds of behaviours constitute a part of the bullying process?
Some typical ’small’ events can be part of the early stages of bullying:
Bullying behaviours can include such petty things as, jokes at your expense, sneering, removal of privilages
- Jokes at the persons expense
- Abusive language
- Removal of privileges (e.g. parking or seating)
- Extra work
- Unrealistic targets
- Decisions being overruled (or not being consulted about decision making).
Initially, people on the receiving end of this kind of treatment can respond by working even harder, or trying harder to please people, or win their approval.
Oftentimes the level of challenge can escalate (because they do not want you to succeed in winning approval, or respect, or admiration, so they step up the punishment).
For example
- Work being criticised
- Responsibility being reduced
- Authority being undermined.
- Being isolated from colleagues and/or management
- Being set up to fail.
By this time, other people do begin to notice.
Customers, or clients, or visitors into the workplace, for instance, sense the hostile and undermining nature of the relationship between you and other people. These people may even warn you of what they can see.
How does the bullied person respond?
The person typically takes on of three choices at this point.
- They battle on, working harder and longer to ensure that there are no mistakes or in the hope that they will become indispensable to the company/department.
- They leave the company on the advise of a spouse or best friend
- They go ‘off sick’ with anxiety and / or depression.
Is the bully also a victim?
Yes , I believe so.
I have worked with people who have been labelled as bullies, and I have found out that they are often under a lot of pressure by the company) to behave in a certain way or get particular results.
The bullies that I have worked with have been concerned about their behaviour, and once the impact of their behaviour has been realised, very remorseful and / or guilty.
Sometimes the bully has been mistreated by a manager above him or her. They have been spoken to in a harsh manner and a sneer or element of disgust has been conveyed if they have not gotten the results or behaviours that has been demanded of them by the company. The problem stems from the bully feeling anxious and frightened and going on to instigate and support behaviours that undermine, ridicule or punish others, in order to get particular results. “I felt that I had to do it, at any cost” said one bully to me in session.
Findings of the National Workplace Bullying Survey (2005)
- More than half of people to responded to the survey said that they had been bullied at work
- More than a third said that it had lasted more than a year
- Almost three quarter of people said that they were aware that bullying existed in their organisation.
- Over 40% said that they did not have bullying policies in place at work
The conclusions of the survey suggest that the major factors preventing organisations dealing with bullying effectively are:
- Management style
- Reluctance to confront the issue
The impact of workplace bullying (reported in the survey)
- Half of all respondents said that they had taken time off work
- More than 60 % of respondents said that their level of performance and their work had been affected.
Therefore, can we also say that the organisation also becomes a victim?
- Sickness absence cost the company.
- Staff turnover disrupts working relationships and productivity.
Research (British occupational health research) estimates that between a third and a half of all workplace stress could be a result of workplace bullying.
The organisation has a duty of care to its employees to provide a safe working environment, and to take steps to take steps to address stress related illness in the workplace (see The Court of Appeal 16-point Guidelines on Stress - dated 15th April 2002, Govt dept, ‘Health and Safety Executive’)
- Point 7 - To trigger a duty to take steps, the indications of impending harm to health arising from stress at work must be plain enough for any reasonable employer to realise that he should do something about it.
- Point 8 - The employer is only in breach of duty if he has failed to take steps that are reasonable in the circumstances, bearing in mind the magnitude of the risk of harm occurring, the gravity of the harm that may occur, the costs and practicability of preventing it, and the justifications for running the risk.
- Point 11 - An employer, who offers a confidential advice service, with referral to appropriate counselling or treatment services, is unlikely to be found in breach of duty
Moreover, the organisation needs to show that it takes the issue seriously, for example by implementing a ‘dignity at work’ policy.
Of those who responded to the National Workplace Bullying Survey,
- Over 50% of employees looked for another job
- 22% of employees sought legal advice.
To make real change, organisations can appoint a member of staff to ensure the policy is used within the company - i.e. someone who is responsible for investigating reports of bullying, and also for ensuring that support is given to both bullies and the bullied.
What happens when I come for counselling if I have been bullied or harassed in the workplace?
If you are the person who has been (or is being) bullied:
- When you come here for sessions, you will be listened to, and you will be believed.
- We will talk through what happened to you (or is still happening) and how it has, and is, affecting you.
- I will support you, and help you to clarify what you want to do.
- I will help you to regain confidence as well as assist you to find skills and strategies to regain control over your work and home life.
- And help you to get your functioning back up in the workplace, as well as recovering joy in the areas of your life that are important to you (e.g. family relationships, sports, socialising)
- Eventually, you may wish to move on to looking at what went on from a different perspective, without fear or defences, and enable yourself to identify what it was that you might have contributed to the bullying. This will protect you in the future.
If you are the person who has been labelled as the bully:
- I will listen to you without judgement, knowing that I do not know how it felt to be you in that situation at that time.
- You can tell me how you felt, and are feeling, and what responsibilities you have/had. You can let me know about the pressures and demands on you.
- Together we can understand and evaluate the impact on your behaviour. And help you to deal with any feelings that may arise in you as a result.
- We can address issues such as how to deal with feelings or actions of others as a consequence of what took place in the workplace.
- We can use techniques of anger management and stress management to help you to manage your feelings or responses in difficult or demanding situations.
- Eventually, you may wish to move into a deeper kind of counselling, and address the normal human needs of craving attention or adulation and how you can get those needs met in a way that is free of problems.
If you are a manager or an employer and you are dealing with a bullying issue in your workplace:
- We can look at any cultural or managerial styles that may contribute to the issues surrounding bullying and I can assist and support you in being proactive in implementing dignity at work policies, addressing the culture in your organisation, managing investigations into reports of bullying.
Choosing a counsellor to see about workplace bullying
There is clearly a demand for counsellors who understand the workplace. People who are affected by issues of workplace bullying want to talk to someone who understands the politics and pressures involved.
Employees feel safer in the workplace if:
- There is a dignity at work policy implemented
- There is a provision of counselling for employees regarding stress related illness (including that caused by bullying).
Knowing that their situation has been taken seriously, and that the organisation cares about them, gives an employee some confidence in the organisation, and in themselves.
Counsellors can help employees feel safer at work by listening and supporting them, helping them regain their confidence and sense of personal power (rather than having power over anyone).
If employees feel safer at work, this will have a beneficial effect on the performance of the individual, and on the workforce as a whole, once the feeling of protection spreads
Hip Hip…
February 13, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
My website has gone live tonight!
After two years of talking about updating my old site, finally I’ve done it.
This new site is fabulous. I can make lots and lots of pages - write whenever I want and edit whenever I want. (so if you ever see anything odd on here, its just been thrown on - next time you look it will probably be tidied up - but if it really bothers you, contact me I dont mind feedback)
This ethical website was made by Dan, and is being hosted using solar power at Lightbeing Creations.
Go there and you can Win a Year’s FREE Green Web Hosting!!
Great work, Dan - I love it. Thanks 
BTW - Dan is the most patient, pleasant, webmaster I have ever encountered. He talks to you when he says he will, he explains things really well, doesn’t get irritated, and gives loads of encouragement when you’re trying to figure out stuff. I truly recommend having him do you a new website and hosting plan. I will definately continue to work with him on this project and on others that I am involved with.
How to set and achieve goals
February 13, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
Acheive your goals and feel fantastic!
Decide what you want.
Decide exactly what it is that you want in each part of your life
Have your direction become ‘specific’ with ‘purpose’, rather than ‘general’ and ‘free-floating’
Write It Down
Make each goal clear and in detail and write it down. A goal that is not clear and detailed, and put down in writing, is only really a wish.
Set A Deadline
Set a deadline for your goal.
Make A List
what are you going to have to do to achieve your goal? Make a list of everything that you are going to have to do to achieve your goal.
Organise your list.
Decide what is moer important and what is less important. Priotitise and organise your list into priority actions and secondary actions (and tertiary, if necessary).
Take Action
Plan the activities into your diary. Then take action on your plan. Do something. It can be any of them. But get busy. Get going.
Do Something Every Day
Do something every single day that moves you in the direction of your most important goal.
You will be absolutely astonished at how much you accomplish when you do this every single day.You’ve clarified your goals, recorded them, determined the price you will have to pay to achieve them, planned them, taken action, and now you are taking action every day towards your chosen goal. The likelihood of success, now, in this area of your life, has grown enormously.
How to benefit from unpredictability
February 12, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
The Impact of the Highly Improbable
Best bits from the Black Swan
I’ve just finished reading a fabulous book called the Black Swan, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. The following is a compilation of (IMO) the best bits from that book.
Apparently we humans have an inibility to predict outliers (black swans) and that, therefore, implies that we have also the inability to predict the course of history (even though we kid ourselves that we can).
Knowledge about the past does not help us to forecast what is going to happen tomorrow (but we believe it does).
As Peter Drucker said, ”Trying to predict the future is like trying to drive down a country road at night with no lights while looking out the back window”.
Taleb believes that we have ‘blind spots’ of perception, regarding our own [lack of accurate] predictions. Reasons for this include:
- You tell yourself that you failed because you were really playing a different game.
- You invoke the outlier (i.e. you are not to blame, the outlier is to blame because it is unpredictable)
- You compensate yourself by saying that you were ‘almost right’
3 Attributes of Black Swans
- unpredictability
- consequences
- retrospective explainability
Knowing that you cannot predict does not mean that you cannot benefit from unpredictability.
- Be prepared for all relevant eventualities.
- Know how to rank beliefs not according to their plausibility, but by the harm they may cause
- Make a distinction between positive contingencies and negative ones, and take maximum exposure to the positive ones.
The Black Swan
Tips:
- The strategy [in life] is, then, to tinker as much as possible and try to collect as many Black Swan opportunities as you can.
- Put yourself in situations where where favorable consequences are much higher than unfavourable ones
- If you engage in a Black-Swan dependent activity, it is better to be part of a group [group members can be ostracised together, which is better than being ostracised alone]
- When making decisions, focus on the consequences (which you know) , rather than the probability (which you don’t know).
- Stop sweating the small stuff - remember that because of the miracle of your existence ( a minute probability - see ‘A Short History of Nearly Everything’) you are a Black Swan and life is a gift.
- Be suspicious of making a ‘because’ to explain anything retrospectively. Try to limit it to situations where the ‘because’ is derived from experiments, not backward-looking history ( see also Druckers way of getting reliable information).
- Train yourself to spot the difference between the sensational and the empirical
- Train your reasoning abilities to control your decisions.
- If you do have to ever heed a forecast, keep in mind that its accuracy degrades rapidly as you extend it through time.
Crisis Lines and Helplines
February 12, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
Goal Setting Exercise
February 11, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
This is a handy format to use to take you through the process of goal setting. Do this exercise to help you, firstly, identify what you want, and then set goals to achieve those things.
The IP belongs to Ian Stwewart co-director of the Berne Institute (psychotherapy Training Establishment)
You will need,
- paper
- pen
- stopwatch
Follow the instructions, below:
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Goal setting exercise. (Ian Stewart). |
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Lifetime goals.
Take 2 mins to list all lifetime goals that come to mind. - ie. everything you could ever want, hope to want, or only dream of during your lifetime. Be free-flowing with your ideas, do not try to filter them by thinking about them too much. After 2 minutes stop writing, no matter what.
Take a 30 second break and do not look at the paper. Do not think about what you have written.
Now, take another 2 mins to amend that list so that you are happy with what you have written. Stop writing after 2 minutes, no matter what. |
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What do I want to achieve in the next 3 years?
Again, take 2 mins to list - once again, go for it. Do not filter! Stop after 2 minutes.
Take a 30 second break.
Now review your list and take another 2 mins to amend the list so that you are happy with what you have written. |
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If I knew that I would be struck dead, by lightening, six months from today - How would I live until then? (Assume that your funeral etc. has been dealt with). Again - 2 mins to list. Go wild, remember!
Take a 30 second break.
Then another 2 mins to amend.
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Now, spend at least, another 2 minutes reviewing all of the answers.
Label the lists, A, B and C. Look over your 3 lists, - spend as long as you want doing this. |
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Go back over lists and change the language that you used into Positive wording, e.g. what will you do? (rather than making the focus what it is that you won’t do), what instead of X?
Spend as long as you need doing this.
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Now contrast the lists, A, B, and C. Question: Are there sharp differences between A (the life time) B (3 yr) and C (6 month) lists?
During your review of the information, and in order to answer the above question in a way that is satisfying to yourself, alter your lists, now, if you wish. Take as long as you need to do this.
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Are there any conflicts? For example, does watching every back episode of Eastenders that have ever been made, conflict with making a million pounds? (it would be real difficult to do both over the next 3 yrs).
Before you despair, know that these conflicts are positive. By identifying them, it gives us an opportunity to a) set priorities and b) make compromises. Just for now, identify the conflicts. |
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Setting priorities. Pick out the three most important from each list.
Label these; A1, A2 and A3. B1, B2 and B3 and C1, C2 and C3. Finally, write down all nine. |
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Congratualtions!
You now have a guide to your goals.
use further exercises on this website to specify further, or to motivate, or to plan action, or to measure sucess.
Effective goals are not static, but they are constantly subject to change.
It is useful to do this exercise again at 6 monthly intervals while you are in therapy, and again at the end of therapy.
You can, of course continue to do this annually in your life, as a matter of course.