Vauna is now a counsellor with Cambridge weight plan, in Nottingham.
YOU can have personal coaching and counselling for your dieting success.
There are many ways of using the Cambridge Weight Loss Plan, (alongside conventional food, or as a sole source of nutrition) so please do come over and lets chat about which plan works for you. Personal consultations are absolutely FREE.
Getting The Best Weight Loss Plan for You
To assess the best plan for you, I will take into account
- your medical history and current health
- the results that you want to achieve
- the things that you are prepared to do to achieve what you want
- your lifestyle and situations
Your consultation is completely free. - You only pay if you want to go ahead and buy products.
Every week you get a free coaching and counselling session, along with your Cambridge Weight Plan purchases, and there is also support materials and help from others also available.
I am your personal Cambridge Weight plan Counsellor and Coach
The main aim is to get you on a plan that is working for you so that you achieve your desired results.
I am very knowledgeable about the Cambridge weight plans and products. I have used them myself to lose 3 dress sizes, so I know I can help you to do it.
We will meet weekly - your sessions of information, and guidance are free along with your Cambridge Weight Plan products.
We review your week, - celebrate achievements and acknowledge challenges.
We assess and plan for the following week (sometimes, no two weeks are the same) .
I work on good referrals. When you succeed, my business succeeds. - And, like my psychotherapy practice, I care about helping people and I protect a good reputation.
Have a think now - what do you want your body to be like?
Shall we make that happen?
Is your weight holding you back in life, or causing problems, or making you unhappy?
Shall we fix that?
Come on, I can help you.
I’ve got a lot of assistance, help, and guidance just waiting here with your name on.
email me. Call or text me 07528 38 98 48
Anger Management, Me?
Don’t be ridiculous.
I don’t hit anyone,
I don’t throw and smash things
I don’t get so angry that the police are called.
Some people who come for anger management sessions do get so angry that they hit and punch, or throw and smash, or the police are called….and most people who come for sessions have not had all or any of these things happen.
All kinds of people come for anger management sessions. You would be having sessions because you think you have anger issues, or because you have been labelled as angry - or just because you know that you’ve been arguing. And these sessions are just counselling, coaching, and problem solving, BUT they are centered around your emotions and behaviours that are problematic.
I don’t need anger management
That therapist can’t help ME
What can anger management actually do?
I realise that many people doubt whether anger management can work for them - so I have asked clients over the last 3 months to give feedback about the success of their anger management sessions, and I have included what they have said about how it worked for them.
Scroll down to the lower half of the anger management page to read what they said.
Yesterday I took a little thin, unread, book down from my bookshelf and decided to read it. My bookshelves are full of unread books (as well as books that I have read). I find they so much come in handy when I have a weekend with no engagements planned, nothing on the TV, and I am slightly tired, anyway. Its like having a fridge full of brain-food at the ready.
It wasnt just that “MANAGING ONESELF” by Peter F Drucker looked like it could be read in an hour or so, but it was the title that appealed to me also.
“I could do with a bit of self-management”, I thought. I have recently identified a way in which I would like to be living my life differently, and I need to do things differently (obviously) to bring this about. “So maybe this little book will inspire me”, I thought.
I hadn’t realised that the book was written by a business managment guru. A bit synchronistic really, since I am currently a delegate on a Leadership and Management training course, as you know. (I had expected it to be one of those simple little self-help booklets that you get free when you give your email address on a good website).
So flicking through the internet I found that Drucker taught generations of managers the importance of picking the best people, of focusing on opportunities and not problems. In those days that was ‘out -there’.
Apparently, Warren Bennis, a management guru himself , asked Drucker how he came up with so many original insights. The reply was, “I learn only through listening,” he said, pausing, “to myself.” (I’m also a big advocate of intuition, and trusting in myself, so I liked that).
Because Ducker was born into a highly educated professional family, in Austria in 1909 (which was a time of a cultural and economic hub) his family mingled with people such as Sigmund Freud. Perhaps Druckers worldliness and style of expression is as a result of him first having met Freud at the age of eight years old, and the fact that his parents would entertain Freud, and other members of the Vienese intellectual elite, regularly in their home.
In fact, for me, the comparison with Freud could be stretched further when I read that Drucker’s most famous text, The Practice of Management, published in 1954, “…laid out the American corporation like a well-dissected frog in a college laboratory”. (Freud began by dissecting frogs in his shed at home!).
Anyway. Back to my little book. In this book, ‘Managing Oneself’, Drucker talks about managment in terms of ‘enhancing performance’. “Well, that’ll do”, I thought, “If I need to do things differently, then I can enhance my performance and see if my life is different”.
So, I’m going to share with you the bones of the book, and how I have interpreted the bits that are relevant for me - and hopefully, you too. (If you really want to, you can read the whole book in this PDF file ).
Drucker says that a person can perform only from strength. And that most people think that they know what they are good at, but they are usually wrong.
“One cannot build performance on weakness”, he asserts, “let alone on something that one cannot do at all.”
I’m not sure that I totally agree with that. And I am not convinced that I am ready to say it is not true, either. I have an open mind about those statements. With anything like that, its a case of asking myself, “How useful is it to operate as if this were true?” (See the NLP Presuppostions for more like that).
So, lets assume that this is true, because believing this will be useful. “A person can only perform from strength”.
Drucker also states that, “We need to know our strengths in order to know where we belong”.
Again, according to our man, Drucker, the only way to discover your strengths is through feedback analysis.
So, lets go now, on to discovering our strengths. This is the process that he reccomends us to use:
Take a key decision (or a key action)
My decision is ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Write down what you expect will happen:
What I expect to happen is………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
9 or 12 months later, compare the actual results with your expectations.
Instruction: Go to your outlook calendar, or your mobile phone, PDF, or whatever, and pop a reminder alarm in for you to review your expectations with actual outcomes.
I have now done this to remind me on…………………………………………………………………….. (date)
A very simple exercise isn’t it? Not very satisfactory now, I grant you, because you wanted results straight away, didn’t you? Sorry.
This method, long as it is, does have merits. You are using proper measurement. A quote from Drucker, “What is measured improves”
You are taking the guesswork out of knowing where you need to improve. If you do this across the board (i.e. with everything that you want to do / change/ become) you can see what it is that you are doing that is at the root of your failures (remember the presupposition there is no failure only feedback?) You are seeing where you are not particularly competent. You are also seeing what are your strengths (ah at last!).
Drucker is known for believing that taking action without thinking is the cause of every failure. (Sounds reasonable to me, if you have an outcome in mind, and want to control the results, at least. There is also a case for not trying to predict, and just benefit from unpredictability, but that still doesn’t mean that you act without thinking).
So, now that you have the results of your feedback analysis:
- put yourself where your strengths can produce results.
- put your energies on working on improving your strengths
- improve skills or aquire new ones
- gain knowledge (in areas other than your expertise)
- remedy your bad habits (the things that you do or fail to do that inhibit your effectiveness and performance).
Drucker states that what we should NOT do is spend (waste?) a lot of time on improving areas of low competence.
Instead of using energy to improve from incompetence to mediocrity, use time and energy to improve from good or first rate, to excellence. Turn yourself, then, from a competent person into a star performer.
Additionally, Drucker states in this little book, that we should
- work out how we perform,
- know what are our personal values
- be aware of personal your ethics system
- find out where we should belong
- understand what we should contribute
- take responsibility for relationships
Knowing all of this enables you to choose actions by thinking.
You can then say to an offer or to an assignment,
”Yes I will do that. But this is the way that I should be doing it. This is the way that it should be structured. This is the way that relationships should be. These are the kinds of results to expect from me and in which paticular time-frame, because this is who I am.”
Now, Drucker becomes aligned with Nassim Nicholas Taleb, in saying that successful careers (and lives?) are not planned, they develop when people are prepared for opportunities because they know thier strengths, their method of doing things, and their values. Knowing where one belongs … can transform an ordinary person into an outstanding performer.
A star performer in life.
Many clients ask me, “Why does psychotherapy take a long time?”
I’d like to illustrate the answer to that with a short story called ‘The autobiography’
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I do not see the hole. I fall in the hole. It is very deep, and at the bottom where I lay broken, it is dark and cold. I can’t get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I am walking down the road. I fall down the hole. Its familiar and quite cosy. I can’t get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I am walking down the road. I fall down the hole. I want to get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I am walking down the road. I dread falling down the hole. I fall down the hole. And I look up and decide to get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I walk down the road. I think, “oh, ha ha, no, no, I’m not falling for that again!”. I fall down the hole. I start climbing out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I walk down the road. I try not to, but I fall in the hole again. I get back out straight away.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I walk down the road. My foot slides and I fall in the hole again, but I do not hit the bottom. I cling on to the side and get out of the hole.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I step over the hole. I do not fall into the hole.
I walk down a different road.
There are some underlying beliefs and assumptions that are implicit within the methodology of NLP.
If we can operate out of the assumption and belief that the following statements are ‘the way that things are’ we can get some very interesting and useful results in terms of self improvement.
- Everyone lives in, and operates from, their model of the world.
- Mind and body are a system. They inevitably and inescapably affect each other.
- Human experience has a structure that can be represented by the sensory modalities
- Every behaviour is useful in some context. People always make the best choice for themselves given their unique model of the world, and perception of the situation.
- Individuals have all the resources necessary for change (what they may need help with is to access these resources at appropriate times and places).
- There is a distinction between the person and their behaviours. The positive worth of a person is held constant.
- There is a distinction between the behaviour of a person and their intention, or of the prupose of that behaviour. It is useful to assume that every behaviour has a positive intention.
- Each individual is infinately more than can be percieved by themselves or others.
- A person cannot NOT communicate (and behaviour is the highest quality communication)
- The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits. There is a difference between the meaning and the intention.
- If you always do what you have always done, you’ll always get what you always got. If what you are doing is not working, do something different.
- There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. Every ‘mistake’ is an unprecedented opportunity to learn.
- Individuals with the most flexibility have the highest probability of achieving the outcome that they desire. (This corresponds to the Law of Requisite Variety in Cybernetics)
- If it is possible for one person then it is possible for another (me). It is just a matter of how (including time, effort, and attention).
After reading the presuppostions, notice your response to them. Do they all seem true to you?
If some seem to be contradictory to your beliefs, use those statements as the basis for personal coaching with an NLP coach or therapist, to improve your life.
How can we have energy and feel motivated about our very existence?
I have identified three ways that, if addressed, go a long way toward bringing about a sense of loving life. This is possible for any of us.
Firstly, our life has to have meaning. We can have a sense of meaning in different degrees. Three levels of meaning and how to get them are talked about below.
Secondly, we need to ensure we are adequately refreshed, in order to deal with life and still feel energised.
Thirdly, the crucial thing, possible for all of us, is that we must transform our past pain into positive energy for living today.
Lets look at the first way of attaining life energy…
What are the different ways in which we get a sense of our life having meaning?
A sense of purpose in our lives can come from a variety of different places, and may not be the same combination of places for any of us.
There are three levels of purpose: superficial purpose, underlying purpose, and sustaining purpose.
- Superficial purpose. This gives a sense of meaning that is transitory. We are engaged and entertained, but the sense of meaning does not accumulate over time. Examples are things such as, short projects, casual club associations, and social situations.
- Underlying purpose. There is usually feelings of accomplishment that add up and give us meaning which provides this second level of purpose - having children, for example, or a meaningful career.
- Sustaining purpose comes from a life-long interest that sustains us, and provides hope and powerful life-energy. These are the things that you are committed to, or are very passionate about, for example, a love of gardening, following a sports team or a musicians events through ups and downs, love of learning and growing, devotion to God, commitment to personal development, etc.
Without a sense of superficial purpose, we may feel bored. Without a sense of underlying purpose we may have a low grade level of agitation or flatness. Without a sense of sustaining purpose we may feel that life has no meaning, and we could feel quietly despairing.
For emotional health we need to feel all three levels of purpose in our lives. Particularly important is a sense of sustaining purpose as it can provide hope in the way that love can provide happiness. Once we are engaged with life in a way that is deeply meaningful, hope develops, and life-energy grows alongside it.
The second way of attaining energy is to refresh…
What activities renew and refresh you so that you are able and willing to return to the responsibilities that we have taken on?
How do you re-charge your batteries?
Different things can be effective for different people.
If you are an introvert (in the Jungian sense) then you re-stock your energy stores by being alone. Extroverts, on the other hand, spend time with others when they need to generate energy and feel charged-up again.
Some people like to meditate, relax in the bath, or have a massage. Others like to sing, dance or play tennis. For others, still, it’s a cathartic release such as a rock concert, a fast drive, or a ski holiday that does the job.
Burnout doesn’t only happen on the job - it happens to your life. That means to your relationships, your emotions and your physical state. Rejuvenation is essential. Little and often is best.
Now, the third way to ensure that we are tapping into all of our potential life-energy, and not letting any of that negative life-energy sap us, or take up psychological space, is to transform it…
Past negative experiences can be transformed into nourishing contributions to ourselves and others today.
- Failure, disappointment, loss, pain, regret, guilt, and even shame.
All of that heavy stuff can be recycled and can become the food to fuel your energy for living today.
In the safety of the therapy room, we do something with it. We acknowledge it, understand it, tolerate it, learn from it, and heal from it. We may sometimes start with small steps, but whatever the size of the steps, we walk towards wellbeing. Motivation builds and life-energy is once again present.
How rigid is your mind?
Apparently, over 15 years of an average waking life is spent just watching TV.
How many days of an average life is spent reading webpages?
These days we have a more radical understanding of contemporary life because of the information that we can access.
When we watch TV, or surf the web, we are creating our own meanings and emotions. Even our dreams and our own sense of identity are shaped by the media.
- But how much does the stuff you watch or read about influence your opinions?
- Does reading this website change your decision about how to act in your life?
Way back in 1944 America, Lazarsfeld conducted a study called ‘The Peoples Choice’ in an attempt to discover the influence of the media over the American voters. He found that voting intentions were very resistant to media influence.
- Often people had already very well defined political views - and people read the papers which supported their views, not ones which might open their minds!
- When confronted with challenging ideas, voters simply filtered out messages that did not fit their preconceptions.
Only 5% of people were actually converted.
It used to be thought a bad thing that the media had a potential to influence. Even now, people are still wary - and there is still a lot of talk of whether TV and other media influence us, and in what ways it does so.
What I am wondering: “Is it still true that only 5% of people have minds open enough to be influenced?”
Are you going to read this blog and skim over all of the personal development stuff in the articles or self-help sections and filter out all messages that do not support your views?
Or are you going to be one of the 5% of people whose mind is opened and who can be influenced by new ideas to make your life better?
I decided to liven up a stretch of wall with some great wall-art.
Three words that read ‘Love, Laugh, Live’ now reside there.
- Is that a good mission statement for a living human being? You might also like to read about how to be happy
- If you’d like further lexical inspiration, mouse over to quotes about being alive
- If you were really dissapointed that those three little words were not what you thought, find some romance here
“I have listened. And I have looked with open eyes. I have poured
my soul into the world, seeking the unknown within the known. And I
sing out loud in amazement.”
Indian Philosopher and Nobel prize winning author
It’s better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
“Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean
over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will
suddenly know everything there is to be known.”
~Winnie-the-Pooh. (Fictional bear created by A.A.Milne)
I think laughter may be a form of courage. As humans we sometimes
stand tall and look into the sun and laugh, and I think we are never
more brave than when we do that.
~Linda Ellerbee (1944- ) American Journalist
“The good thing about the past is that it is over.”
~ Richard Bandler, Co-founder of Neuro-Linguistic Programming
“Fear less, cherish more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe
more; talk less, listen more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.”
~Old Swedish Proverb
“Gratitude is wealth. Complaint is poverty.”
~Doris Day, American actress
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
~Lord Byron (1788-1824) English Poet
“I sing what is in my heart. My only thought now is to sing as I have never sung before.”
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
~ Dr. Seuss
“Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake.”
- Henry David Thoreau, essayist
Life is short and far too fragile. Whatever you dream of doing, begin. Put a first step or a “down payment” on your schedule and make it happen. Create memories. Have fun. Have an adventure. Take a (reasonable) risk. Be audacious. Laugh out loud. See what happens.
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
You are younger today than you will ever be again. Make use of it for the sake of tomorrow.
~Norman Cousins, editor
I live a day at a time. Each day I look for a kernel of excitement. In the morning, I say: ‘What is my exciting thing for today?’ Then, I do the day. Don’t ask me about tomorrow.
~Barbara Jordan 1936-1996, Lawyer, Educator and Politician
Do not take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.