How to be happy
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
The law of abundance
The law of abundance says that there is everything a-plenty.
Take a moment to ingest that.
There is everything in abundance.
It’s quite a stretch, isn’t it?
There is plenty of happiness available to you. Plenty of love. Plenty of kindness. Plenty of support.
Hmmm.
Do you believe that?
What does not believing that do to you?
How does believing that there is not plenty of happiness for you, or there is not enough love or support out there that you can get?
Does it stop you from trying to get happiness?
Acceptance is one thing.
Apathy is another.
N.B the law of abundance is not the same as ‘The Law of Attraction’ see this review about a book called, ‘The Secret’ that describes the law of attraction
What if…
- What if there was no real shortage?
- What if you can have virtually all that you really want and need?
- What if we live in a generous universe surrounded by blessings and opportunities to acquire all that we truly desire?
What if people become happy because they desire to become happy?
What if people become happy because they believe that they have the ability to become happy?
What if they act in a way that is congruent to those beliefs?
What if they consistently take the necessary actions that turn their beliefs into realities?
- What if they get to grips with all the things in life that have made them unhappy.
- What if they deal with those things (either current situations, or bad memories).
- What if they find a way to move on appropriately, and live happily today?
Be happy today
Moving on is not about denial, or discounting the significance of events, thoughts, feelings, and situations.
It is about processing those things, i.e.
- Acknowledging,
- Understanding the impact,
- Coming to terms with them,
- Accepting the past,
- Working through guilt, regret, remorse, grief, if necessary,
- Moving on to deal with the present.
- And then finally making an impact on your own future.
Review your reasons
- Why aren’t you happy already?
This is an important decision to ask yourself.
Answering this question can reveal your blocks to happiness, and that’s great! It gives you the material to work with.
Exercise
This exercise in two parts.
- Questions
- Solutions
While working through this exercise,
- Allow yourself to answer the question over and over again, without giving the same answer twice.
- Answer the questions very quickly, do not deliberate or agonise over what you are going to say.
- Write your answers down, we will review what you have written, later in the exercise.
Why is it the same question? It isn’t! Your mind can hear the question differently every time, and / or generate different answers every time.
By the time that you get over 5 or so answers to the questions below, you start getting beyond excuses and justifications and moving into underlying beliefs that are holding you back from being happy.
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Questions:
Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
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Why am I not happy already?
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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The world is full of thousands and thousands of people who have far more difficulties and limitations than you will ever have, and they have gone on to be happy anyway.
So can you.
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Solutions:
Now, look over your answers
Determine which of those are
- Justifications and excuses
- Limiting beliefs
Consider what you can do
- To confront your justifications
- Address your excuses
- Test out assumptions in your limiting beliefs.
Most people find this quite a challenge to do on their own. If you would like a practitioner to help you with this, please get in touch.
Your finances and your time perspective are linked
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
Time perspective means whether you think a long way into the future or a short way into the future. It is also, the amount of time that you take into consideration when planning your day-to-day activities and when making important decisions in your life.
A study was done during the 50’s and 60’s at Harvard University, to find out the reasons for upward social mobility. The researchers were looking for factors that would predict whether or not an individual was going to move upward and be wealthier.
People with long time-perspectives move up economically.
- When you spend weeks, months, years developing your skills and abilities in order to be successful, you have a long time-perspective.
- When you take longer to make decisions, delay gratification, and do not act on impulse then you have a long time-perspective.
- In the extreme, a person with a long time-perspective is thinking and planning 20 or 25 years ahead (which is more than most people).
People with short time-perspectives do not move up over time.
- They don’t have the ability to delay gratification.
- They respond to the impulse to satisfy their desire for fun or pleasure in the short term.
- In the extreme they do not even think about tomorrow - they could have a irresistible urge to spend every penny that they earn, or can borrow, almost immediately.
Elongate your approach to time
When you develop a long time-perspective you develop the ability to delay gratification. You can save some of your money instead of spending it all. You can consider investments. You can resist impulse purchases.
The combination of a long time-perspective and an ability to delay gratification gives you an advantage regarding becoming financially independent.
Exercise:
How do you want your finances to be in 5 years time?
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How do you want your finances to be in 10 years time?
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How do you want your finances to be in 15 years time?
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How do you want your finances to be in 20 years time?
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What is one thing that needs to happen for this to become a reality?
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What can you do to take you into doing that one thing that you need to do to make it a reality?
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What is one thing that you can do this week that will move you towards the thing that needs to happen for your financial desires to be realised?
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5 ways to become a millionaire
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
How-to?
Once you have decided that you want to become wealthy, you will need to know how you can do that.
Here are the five main ways that fortunes are made in America
(if you know of a source of similar statistics relating to the UK, please post a comment or email me)
- Having a self-owned businesses (74%)
Entrepreneurship of all kinds
Businesses built from the ground up.
- A professional at the top of his or her game (15%)
Doctors, lawyers, architects, structural engineers, scientists, etc,
Become very, very, good at what you do
The top five percent in any field earn 10-20 times more than the average in that field
- Being a senior business executive (10%)
Join a large corporation and work with them for a lot of years.
Rise to positions of seniority
Take stock options, profit sharing and bonus options.
- Sales people and consultants (5%)
It is not necessary to have a degree to be skilled in sales
You don’t have to start your own business
Become very, very good at selling products or services and invest wisely
- Sports, music and other celebrities, inventors, authors, lottery winners, beneficiaries of inheritance (1%)
Only 1%?
‘Fraid so.
The chances are slimmer, but you do get to live your dream
What to do about it
It seems that there is a direct relationship between excellent performance and the kind of high income that leads to financial independence.
So, if you want to become a millionaire - decide what you really enjoy doing (and have a talent or aptitude for) and then throw your whole being into doing it extremely well.
If you are really serious about becoming a millionaire, you must take steps towards it by taking the actions that matter.
- What is it that you are doing right now that is leading you to becoming wealthy?
Regarding developing my skills…………………………………………………
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- What changes do you need to make in your life to enable your path towards millionairedom more direct?
Regarding developing my skills…………………………………………………
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- see also Goal Setting and more about money skills
Crisis Lines and Helplines
February 12, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
Goal Setting Exercise
February 11, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
This is a handy format to use to take you through the process of goal setting. Do this exercise to help you, firstly, identify what you want, and then set goals to achieve those things.
The IP belongs to Ian Stwewart co-director of the Berne Institute (psychotherapy Training Establishment)
You will need,
- paper
- pen
- stopwatch
Follow the instructions, below:
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Goal setting exercise. (Ian Stewart). |
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Lifetime goals.
Take 2 mins to list all lifetime goals that come to mind. - ie. everything you could ever want, hope to want, or only dream of during your lifetime. Be free-flowing with your ideas, do not try to filter them by thinking about them too much. After 2 minutes stop writing, no matter what.
Take a 30 second break and do not look at the paper. Do not think about what you have written.
Now, take another 2 mins to amend that list so that you are happy with what you have written. Stop writing after 2 minutes, no matter what. |
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What do I want to achieve in the next 3 years?
Again, take 2 mins to list - once again, go for it. Do not filter! Stop after 2 minutes.
Take a 30 second break.
Now review your list and take another 2 mins to amend the list so that you are happy with what you have written. |
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If I knew that I would be struck dead, by lightening, six months from today - How would I live until then? (Assume that your funeral etc. has been dealt with). Again - 2 mins to list. Go wild, remember!
Take a 30 second break.
Then another 2 mins to amend.
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Now, spend at least, another 2 minutes reviewing all of the answers.
Label the lists, A, B and C. Look over your 3 lists, - spend as long as you want doing this. |
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Go back over lists and change the language that you used into Positive wording, e.g. what will you do? (rather than making the focus what it is that you won’t do), what instead of X?
Spend as long as you need doing this.
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Now contrast the lists, A, B, and C. Question: Are there sharp differences between A (the life time) B (3 yr) and C (6 month) lists?
During your review of the information, and in order to answer the above question in a way that is satisfying to yourself, alter your lists, now, if you wish. Take as long as you need to do this.
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Are there any conflicts? For example, does watching every back episode of Eastenders that have ever been made, conflict with making a million pounds? (it would be real difficult to do both over the next 3 yrs).
Before you despair, know that these conflicts are positive. By identifying them, it gives us an opportunity to a) set priorities and b) make compromises. Just for now, identify the conflicts. |
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Setting priorities. Pick out the three most important from each list.
Label these; A1, A2 and A3. B1, B2 and B3 and C1, C2 and C3. Finally, write down all nine. |
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Congratualtions!
You now have a guide to your goals.
use further exercises on this website to specify further, or to motivate, or to plan action, or to measure sucess.
Effective goals are not static, but they are constantly subject to change.
It is useful to do this exercise again at 6 monthly intervals while you are in therapy, and again at the end of therapy.
You can, of course continue to do this annually in your life, as a matter of course.
Aromatherapy for Anxiety
February 7, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
Less tension, more flow!
Aromatherapy is much more than making nice smells. It is the practice of inhaling essential oils.
Each essential oil can contain hundreds of different ‘volatile’ (easily evaporated) compounds, most of which are very compatible with the physiology of the human body.
Different oils have different properties and have certain effects when inhaled.
Aromatherapy is NOT practiced at Nottingham Therapy. However, if you do like to create a relaxing atmosphere at home or in the workplace, using essential oils can change your states of being and rid you of anxiety or panic.
Essential oils when inhaled directly effect our limbic system, the brain’s emotional centres. Therefore, inhaling them can relax you, and calm you and relieve anxiety. Never take in essential oils orally as some oils can be toxic. Also, don’t leave pure essential oils on bare skin for more than a few seconds, as you may feel a burning sensation.
Aroma therapy oil bottle
An aromatherapist advised me of the following two ‘recipes’ of essential oils that are effective in calming anxiety. Use either one or the other of the two mixtures and monitor the effects.
1) Equal parts of Roman Chamomile, Bergamot and Orange.
2) 3 drops Lavender, 2 drops Neroli and 1 drop Bergamot.
Once you have made the mixture of oils add to a burner of water so that the oils evaporate into the air that you breathe, or pour into a small atomiser to spray into the room where you are sitting.
For the ultimate relaxation, run a long warm bath and spray the oils mixture onto a clean sponge.
Roll the sponge gently and slowly around your neck and shoulders and along your arms. Then gently submerge yourself into the water and rinse the oils off your skin.
Do the same with legs.
Relax in the bath for a while and then wrap yourself in a warm towel on emerging from the water.
You shouldn’t feel anything on your skin, but if skin begins to feel itchy, shower off lightly without rubbing the skin and pat dry.
Calming through Breathing
February 7, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
- Breathing, Calms
Our brains need a constant supply of clean, oxygen-rich blood for clear thinking, and our muscles need it for vitality. Having breathing skills enables you to alter your state (e.g. panic/ anxiety) and change unwanted mood.
Breathing exercises are about balancing the amount of carbon dioxide and oxygen in the system.
Sometimes people think that they always need to breathe deeply and so they take large in-breaths. Doing this, however, increases the oxygen to carbon dioxide ratio, and actually makes you more aroused and it can increase anxiety.
So, if you are feeling anxious or panicky, you need to make your in-breaths moderate and your out-breaths as long and slow as possible. If, however, you are tired, lethargic, or depressed, then you do need extra oxygen. You, therefore, have large and long in-breaths and moderate out-breaths. The technique below is about using breathing to calm, when feeling anxious, panicky or upset.
N.B. Some people can experience dizziness when they first begin using breathing exercises. This is because your body isn’t used to the richer supply of oxygen. Please ensure, therefore that you are well supported when standing or sitting. If lying down, please get up gently and ensure you are steady before moving around. If you experience prolonged dizziness, please consult your GP.
- Breathing therapy gets you grounded
Breathing Exercise
- Find a comfortable place to sit (or stand while supported by a wall).
- Take a few minutes to focus on the scene that is contributing to you feeling agitated or upset.
- Hear a voice in your head shout, “STOP!”
- Drop your shoulders and breathe in through your nose, slowly, until lungs feel full.
- Raise up shoulders and continue taking breath in until lungs are full.
- Let the air out very slowly through the mouth.
- Breathe in again quite quickly, but taking in a lot of air.
- Breathe out slowly - really lengthen your exhalation.
- Breathe in again quite quickly, yet taking in a lot of air. Hold the breath and remember the unpleasant scene from step 2.
- Breathe out very slowly once again, this time hearing the voice in your head say, “LETTING GO…..LETTING GO….letting go………go……..gone………”
- Let go of tension in your chest, in your stomach.
- Focus on the scene of you letting it all go.
- Let your arms and legs relax.
- Release all tension in the jaw and forehead.
- Direct your attention to the noises outside of you, i.e. in the room, or outside of the room.
Breathing therapy leaves you feeling Fresh and Grounded
10 steps to tension release (between the shoulder blades)
February 7, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
Evening is a great time to release tension
- 1. Sit on the floor with your back close up against a sofa or armchair.
- 2. Extend legs out as far as is comfortable.
- 3. Breathe in, and lift arms and place hands behind head, locking fingers together.
- 4. Breathing out, gently lean backwards over the seat of the chair or sofa so that you are stretching out the chest and abdomen. Slowly bring elbows out to the side to increase the stretch.
- 5. Breathe in and return to upright position.
- 6. Release hands. Breathe in, and then on the out-breath, take the right hand down to the left foot.
- 7. With the whole hand, grip the left foot on the outer side, just below the little toe.
- 8. Move around until this is stretching the hard-to-reach muscles in-between the shoulder blades.
- 9. Continue breathing in a relaxed and natural way and hold the stretch for a count of 10 - 15, and then release.
- 10. Switch sides, taking hold of the right foot with the left hand and stretch and hold in the same way.
Become relaxed and serene
20 Steps to Deep Muscle Relaxation
February 7, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
Serenity
- 1. Sit or lie in a comfortable position that you can maintain without straining for about 15-20 minutes.
- 2. Wriggle about and get comfortable.
- 3. Stretch out your fingers on your hand and then let them drop loose again. Clench fists and then release. Stretch your fingers out wide again. Drop them and loosen. Clench fists, and then release.
- 4. Bend your elbows and tense up your arms. Squeeze your biceps. Stretch out your arms, and twist them so that you tense up your triceps. Drop your arms down and let them relax. Repeat.
- 5. Slowly move your neck to the left. Hold. Squeeze your eyes tightly shut and then release. Slowly turn your head back to the centre. Stick your tongue out to your chin. Put your tongue back in and then stick it out to touch your nose, and return into your mouth. Slowly turn your head to the right and hold. Squeeze your eyes together tightly and wrinkle your nose. Release and slowly turn your head to the centre. Repeat.
- 6. Lower your eyebrows into a frown. Relax your forehead. Raise your eyebrows. Relax.
- 7. Open your mouth and gently move your jaw from side to side. Close mouth. Smile, hold, and then relax your face.
- 8. Shrug your shoulders up and hold. Drop them down again. Gently tilt your head from side to side. Push your shoulders further down. Lift up into a shrug again. Drop down and push down further. Release them back to a relaxed position.
- 9. Take in a very deep breath through the nose. Notice how the breath goes right down into your lower lungs and lifts your ribcage. Slowly exhale through the mouth. Repeat three times.
Exhale
- 10.Tense in your stomach muscles in as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of five, and then tighten further. Hold for five. Tighten again and hold for three. Relax. Breathe in fairly slowly and extend your stomach as you do so. Release the air by breathing out again.
- 11.Squeeze your right buttock tightly, and then keeping that held, squeeze the left buttock. Release both. Now tightly squeeze the left buttock and hold. While holding the left buttock tightly squeeze the right buttock. Release. Tighten buttocks together and hold. Release. Squeeze and tighten and hold. Release.
- 12.Straighten out your legs and tighten your thigh muscles and lock the knees. Hold briefly and release. Twist feet outwards, tighten again and hold briefly. Release and bring back to centre. Point toes away from face, gently bring back to relaxed position. Then, bring toes up towards your knees, while keeping legs straight, hold and then relax. Point toes away from face, hold for five, and then release.
- 13.Take in a very deep breath through the nose. Notice how the breath goes right down into your lower lungs and lifts your ribcage. Slowly exhale through the mouth. Repeat twice.
- 14.Lift up arms one by one and gently shake from the wrist.
- 15.Extend legs one by one and gently shake from the knee.
- 16.Slowly stand up and shake out one arm and then the other, from the elbow.
- 17.Gently shake one leg and then the other, from the hip.
- 18.Tilt head gently from side to side. Rotate head slowly, in clockwise direction, twice.
- 19.Lift head and straighten back, focus eyes ahead and give one reason why you are now glad that you are calm.
- 20. Move forward and continue with your day.
Energised and relaxed