How to be happy
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
The law of abundance
The law of abundance says that there is everything a-plenty.
Take a moment to ingest that.
There is everything in abundance.
It’s quite a stretch, isn’t it?
There is plenty of happiness available to you. Plenty of love. Plenty of kindness. Plenty of support.
Hmmm.
Do you believe that?
What does not believing that do to you?
How does believing that there is not plenty of happiness for you, or there is not enough love or support out there that you can get?
Does it stop you from trying to get happiness?
Acceptance is one thing.
Apathy is another.
N.B the law of abundance is not the same as ‘The Law of Attraction’ see this review about a book called, ‘The Secret’ that describes the law of attraction
What if…
- What if there was no real shortage?
- What if you can have virtually all that you really want and need?
- What if we live in a generous universe surrounded by blessings and opportunities to acquire all that we truly desire?
What if people become happy because they desire to become happy?
What if people become happy because they believe that they have the ability to become happy?
What if they act in a way that is congruent to those beliefs?
What if they consistently take the necessary actions that turn their beliefs into realities?
- What if they get to grips with all the things in life that have made them unhappy.
- What if they deal with those things (either current situations, or bad memories).
- What if they find a way to move on appropriately, and live happily today?
Be happy today
Moving on is not about denial, or discounting the significance of events, thoughts, feelings, and situations.
It is about processing those things, i.e.
- Acknowledging,
- Understanding the impact,
- Coming to terms with them,
- Accepting the past,
- Working through guilt, regret, remorse, grief, if necessary,
- Moving on to deal with the present.
- And then finally making an impact on your own future.
Review your reasons
- Why aren’t you happy already?
This is an important decision to ask yourself.
Answering this question can reveal your blocks to happiness, and that’s great! It gives you the material to work with.
Exercise
This exercise in two parts.
- Questions
- Solutions
While working through this exercise,
- Allow yourself to answer the question over and over again, without giving the same answer twice.
- Answer the questions very quickly, do not deliberate or agonise over what you are going to say.
- Write your answers down, we will review what you have written, later in the exercise.
Why is it the same question? It isn’t! Your mind can hear the question differently every time, and / or generate different answers every time.
By the time that you get over 5 or so answers to the questions below, you start getting beyond excuses and justifications and moving into underlying beliefs that are holding you back from being happy.
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Questions:
Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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Why am I not happy already?
Because ………………………………………………………………
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The world is full of thousands and thousands of people who have far more difficulties and limitations than you will ever have, and they have gone on to be happy anyway.
So can you.
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Solutions:
Now, look over your answers
Determine which of those are
- Justifications and excuses
- Limiting beliefs
Consider what you can do
- To confront your justifications
- Address your excuses
- Test out assumptions in your limiting beliefs.
Most people find this quite a challenge to do on their own. If you would like a practitioner to help you with this, please get in touch.
Your beliefs about money determine your wealth
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
Good or Bad?
Your attitude towards money affects your emotions and your motivations. Therefore, what you believe about money, and the way that you think about money, will determine how much of it you accumulate.
For some people money is coded as a deficiency need, i.e. it is something that motivates you when you don’t have enough. Then when you have enough, you don’t think about it as much and it is no longer a motivator.
The effect money has on your emotions depends on your attitude to it.
If you are concerned that you have too little, you can become over-focused on the sence of scarity and this can dominate your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Arguments over money put a strain on marriages and relationships, can ruin friendships and excessive worry over money can cause psychosomatic illnesses.
Deep-seated beliefs can be obstacles to accumulating wealth.
What are your beliefs about money?
Do you believe that money is …
- Wrong
- Dirty
- Shameful
- Disgusting
- Scary
- Cursed
- Sinful
- Evil
Have you ever believed that money…
- Ruins relationships
- Changes people
- Causes more problems than it solves
- Breeds resentment
- Is a tool to hurt others
- Makes people leave you
- Makes you unlovable
- Turns people nasty
If you answered ‘yes to any of the options above, ask yourself whether it is the money, or the way that people used money that caused you to conclude those things.
Beliefs are not all based on factual information. They are a distorted conclusion made in a very primitive way, either in childhood, or by being convinced by what others say or what cultures instil, or by drawing conclusions without analysis.
We can often test out beliefs, once we are aware of which beliefs we hold. Ask yourself whether what you are believing is true. Ask yourself to provide evidence for that to support its truth. Say it out loud. Ask other people’s opinion about whether they also think it is true (people who are different to you). After different perspectives ask yourself again whether it is true.
Be willing to hold a new reality
What if money is good?
What if money is used to buy homes and food, cars, education, entertainment, and toys and fun things. What if that is good?
What if money is neither good, nor bad
What if it is to do with the people who use the money - whether they use it in productive ways to produce valuable goods and services, create opportunities for others.
What if there were no money?
- Would all the badness related to money go away?
- Would people still fight over wealth? Still use objects and services to have power over others?
Is it money itself that is bad, or how you decide to use it?
Responsibility
Unless you are not in a capitalist system, you have a duty to acquire money. A duty to yourself and your family, to use it keep yourselves healthy and happy. To meet your survival needs, and then after that, a nice quality of life.
If you want a lot of money, fine. If you want sufficient money, fine. You decide the life that you want. And then work out much money you need to give yourself that life.
Pretending that you don’t care about money when you really do, will make you unhappy.
Spending time and effort into gaining more money than you need to provide the life that you want, is a waste.
If you really want more money, you are going to have to do what it takes to get the money - it will not just come to you, as if by magic (no matter how much you believe that you are going to get it).
However, if you improve your attitude to money and change your beliefs about the availability of it, or your ownership of it, then money will become much less of an issue in your life. The issue will, in fact, become more about the activities that you engage in to gain the money, as well as the quality of your life that the money funds.
Banish those old demons and stop being held back financially
February 18, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
What do you beieve about money?
We have just spoken about beliefs about money itself, now lets move on to beliefs about you having money.
Some people believe that they don’t really deserve to be rich.
Some believe that they shouldn’t be successful and rich (”its not right for people like me”)
If you have those kinds of beliefs, and then you do manage to become wealthy you may struggle with feelings of guilt or shame.
I have known people have these feelings quite strongly, and it has affected their thinking, and their actions.
They subconsciously try to get rid of the money, they…
- Lose it
- Waste it
- Give it away
- Invest foolishly
To try to numb the feelings, they may
- Drink excessively
- Overeat
- Use drugs
- Have affairs
- Do other destructive, risky, or self-sabotaging behaviours.
If you want to change your results with money you need to change your attitude to it.
- Value money,
- Respect money
- Do worthwhile things with money.
Money flows through the fingers of those who do not understand it, or take care of it, or use it wisely.
Your money-skills
Some people say things like, “I’m not very good with money” or “I’ve never got any money” or even worse, “I’ll never have any money”.
Being good with money, acquiring money and using money to make your life better is a skill that all of us can learn. Saying that you are just not very good with money is a cop-out. An excuse. A way of not taking responsibility.
Money doesn’t just come to you (usually) you have to do something to get it and keep it and use it wisely. It doesn’t just happen. You can take responsibility for making that happen. If you don’t take responsibility for making it happen, you need someone who takes that responsibility for you. Somebody has to be good with money, or you have none.
Detailed belief changes
The starting point for acquiring money is to change beliefs.
- Believe that you have an unlimited capacity to obtain all the money that you will ever need.
- See yourself as a financial success
- Feel like a person who is deserving of all the money that you can honestly acquire.
- Let those images, thoughts, ideas and feelings guide you in what is foreground, and what becomes the scenery. Allow your decisions to be made while taking in the big picture (i.e. everything that you want in life, not just your immediate needs).
(If you know about NLP, or if you can get to an NLP practitioner, make the concepts of a ‘moneyed you’ have plenty of sensory detail. Anchor those states)
Keep your focus wide, and stay ethical
The preoccupation with money, to the exclusion of the really important things in life, is a problem - not money itself. Behaviours fuelled by greed, and pursuits driven by a sense of entitlement (rather than those of responsibility) not only hurt other people, they hurt the self, too. They have a stunting affect on our personal growth.
We can grow on a personal level and accumulate wealth at the same time. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
- Earn your money honestly.
- Treat people with respect.
- Be loyal to people who have treated you well.
- Work to get what you want
- Take responsibility for your financial situation
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Money is essential to our lives, and also essential is having good relationships, being loved, loving, laughing and being relaxed and at peace.
Decide now which beliefs about money are not serving you well.
Confront those beliefs by asking yourself, “what if the opposite is true?”
Be the person that you want to be. Create the financial situation that you want.
Do not confuse money with happiness or with success.
But, alter your opinion, attitude, and beliefs about money and your financial life has the potential to change your life, by impacting on your decisions and actions.