The pain of betrayal and the stress of denial…
April 5, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
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The other weekend I went to the theatre to see a play, made of a true story, entitled ‘Pack of Lies’.
It was about an ordinary English suburban couple (husband and wife Bill and Ruth Search)and their daughter, Gay Search, living an ordinary life in the 1950’s and 60’s.
They had made friends with a couple across the road, who had moved in from Canada. And they had known them for about 5 years, spending nice friendly evenings with them, and having them pop around for cups of tea and so on.
One day a government agency official descends on the Search family, and persuades them to allow covert viewing of the neighbours house. The family reluctantly agree, not only unaware that the spying operation from their spare room would go on for a long time, but also totally unprepared for the effect that it would have on them to find out that their friends and neighbours were not what the Search family had known them to be.
The Krogers, across the road, were actually Morris and Lona Cohen, a pair of spies, who worked with fellow spy Gordon Lonsdale, photographing and encoding as microdots various pieces of material which they then sent to their colleagues in Russia. The microdots were sent inside antiquarian books.
Ruth Search, found the ongoing observation operation very disturbing. She often got very angry with the government officials for treating her ‘friends’ in this way. When the Krogers (actually the Cohens) were arrested in January 1961, due in part as a result of evidence gained from spying on them from the Search household, Ruth Search became very ill and died not long afterward.
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It seems that the pain of betrayal, and the battering down of her beliefs in the friendship, along with the strain of attempting to carry on as normal with a covert operation going on in her house, were all too much for her.
She was unable to live with the reality. Ruth tried to cling on to her reality for as long as possible, until it was impossible. Ruth was in denial.
There are many processes that we use to keep parts of reality hidden from ourselves. See here for 10 ways that denial is used, and see whether you can spot how many apply to you, in regard to the things that you need to come to terms with, or change, in your life.
I walk down the road…
March 7, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
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Many clients ask me, “Why does psychotherapy take a long time?”
I’d like to illustrate the answer to that with a short story called ‘The autobiography’
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I do not see the hole. I fall in the hole. It is very deep, and at the bottom where I lay broken, it is dark and cold. I can’t get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I am walking down the road. I fall down the hole. Its familiar and quite cosy. I can’t get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I am walking down the road. I fall down the hole. I want to get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I am walking down the road. I dread falling down the hole. I fall down the hole. And I look up and decide to get out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I walk down the road. I think, “oh, ha ha, no, no, I’m not falling for that again!”. I fall down the hole. I start climbing out.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I walk down the road. I try not to, but I fall in the hole again. I get back out straight away.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I see the hole as I walk down the road. My foot slides and I fall in the hole again, but I do not hit the bottom. I cling on to the side and get out of the hole.
I walk down the road. There is a hole in the road. I step over the hole. I do not fall into the hole.
I walk down a different road.
See also
Psychotherapy
Counselling
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