3 ways for anyone to attain life-energy
March 2, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · Leave a Comment
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How can we have energy and feel motivated about our very existence?
I have identified three ways that, if addressed, go a long way toward bringing about a sense of loving life. This is possible for any of us.
Firstly, our life has to have meaning. We can have a sense of meaning in different degrees. Three levels of meaning and how to get them are talked about below.
Secondly, we need to ensure we are adequately refreshed, in order to deal with life and still feel energised.
Thirdly, the crucial thing, possible for all of us, is that we must transform our past pain into positive energy for living today.
Lets look at the first way of attaining life energy…
Meaning
What are the different ways in which we get a sense of our life having meaning?
A sense of purpose in our lives can come from a variety of different places, and may not be the same combination of places for any of us.
There are three levels of purpose: superficial purpose, underlying purpose, and sustaining purpose.
- Superficial purpose. This gives a sense of meaning that is transitory. We are engaged and entertained, but the sense of meaning does not accumulate over time. Examples are things such as, short projects, casual club associations, and social situations.
- Underlying purpose. There is usually feelings of accomplishment that add up and give us meaning which provides this second level of purpose - having children, for example, or a meaningful career.
- Sustaining purpose comes from a life-long interest that sustains us, and provides hope and powerful life-energy. These are the things that you are committed to, or are very passionate about, for example, a love of gardening, following a sports team or a musicians events through ups and downs, love of learning and growing, devotion to God, commitment to personal development, etc.
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Without a sense of superficial purpose, we may feel bored. Without a sense of underlying purpose we may have a low grade level of agitation or flatness. Without a sense of sustaining purpose we may feel that life has no meaning, and we could feel quietly despairing.
For emotional health we need to feel all three levels of purpose in our lives. Particularly important is a sense of sustaining purpose as it can provide hope in the way that love can provide happiness. Once we are engaged with life in a way that is deeply meaningful, hope develops, and life-energy grows alongside it.
The second way of attaining energy is to refresh…
Refreshment
What activities renew and refresh you so that you are able and willing to return to the responsibilities that we have taken on?
How do you re-charge your batteries?
Different things can be effective for different people.
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If you are an introvert (in the Jungian sense) then you re-stock your energy stores by being alone. Extroverts, on the other hand, spend time with others when they need to generate energy and feel charged-up again.
Some people like to meditate, relax in the bath, or have a massage. Others like to sing, dance or play tennis. For others, still, it’s a cathartic release such as a rock concert, a fast drive, or a ski holiday that does the job.
Burnout doesn’t only happen on the job - it happens to your life. That means to your relationships, your emotions and your physical state. Rejuvenation is essential. Little and often is best.
Now, the third way to ensure that we are tapping into all of our potential life-energy, and not letting any of that negative life-energy sap us, or take up psychological space, is to transform it…
Transformation
Past negative experiences can be transformed into nourishing contributions to ourselves and others today.
- Failure, disappointment, loss, pain, regret, guilt, and even shame.
All of that heavy stuff can be recycled and can become the food to fuel your energy for living today.
In the safety of the therapy room, we do something with it. We acknowledge it, understand it, tolerate it, learn from it, and heal from it. We may sometimes start with small steps, but whatever the size of the steps, we walk towards wellbeing. Motivation builds and life-energy is once again present.
From Victim to Victor
February 20, 2009 by Vauna Beauvais · 1 Comment
What happens to people?
As people, at different times in our life, we have individual crises such as loss, death, destruction, abandonment and betrayal.
As survivors of these situations we can often be left feeling helpless, depressed, full of guilt, or angry. Sometimes clients describe it to me as ‘in a black hole’ or a ‘being pulled down into a downward spiral’ ‘trapped’ or ‘up against a wall’.
Clients may find it difficult to control their thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and may be experiencing uncomfortable sensations or having upsetting images.
Often we find, as we get talking in counselling sessions, things revealed, such as,
- They doubt the possibility of existing without danger,
- They don’t feel able to control their destiny,
- Their confidence in their decision-making has gone.
What is the impact?
These people may feel angry or rageful. They might have a sense of powerlessness. It is common to oscillate between the two concepts of self (on the one hand ‘important and angry’ and on the other hand ‘insignificant’). They may lie awake at night thinking. They might be battling with solutions and come to no satisfactory way to put the situation to rights, or let it rest. This might lead the person into frustration, or being fatigued.
Temptation to adopt a ‘victim’ identity is quite strong. I speak with clients who are going through all of this and they commonly discount all previous achievements and cannot account for future accomplishments. The trauma has taken over and clouded their whole experience.
How can counselling help?
Through counselling we can move from being a victim to becoming a victor. Using the counselling conversations for reaching the inner pain and then discovering our inner strength.
The aims of the counselling are to acknowledge what happened, how it is impacting you and how to move forward.
What can we do in counselling?
The part of therapy that is about moving on from acknowledgment may include such things as:
- Understanding what happened
- Discovering coping resources
- Changing priorities and assuming self responsibility for healing
- Build a flexible balancing of tension and relaxation
- Developing strategies for dealing with crisis, stress and trauma
- Develop positive affirmations of resilience
- Possibly discovering compassion and using forgiveness
- Perhaps engaging in mourning / using rituals
- Re-examine personal space
- Rebuild trust
If you wish to understand yourself more, as counsellor and client we can look at many different facets of limiting ways of being, find the positive in them. We might look at:
- The way that you think
- The things that you believe
- The way that you regulate emotions
- The expression of feelings
- Your physiology
Clients are recounting personal recollections of traumatisation in a safe place and they may use, not only words, but also share dreams and nightmares, use metaphors and stories.
What is the outcome?
Everyone is different, and each person may wish to work towards a differnt outcome - one that is right for them.
By talking through these things, and dealing with the associations, we can elicit new ideas and possibilities, which can take over from the old patterns of thought and response.
As a counsellor I don’t give the answers. There is no one single appropriate method for coping with all crises reactions. Each person has their own specific combination of coping modes and resources. Each person finds his or her own answers. And we do this together.
Clients need someone to bear witness to what they have gone through, or are going through. They need to be acknowledged and listened to. They need to express their reactions. They need to revisit some things in a safe environment (the counselling space).
Ultimately, clients acknowledge, and describe their pain, and then move through it. They then plan strategies of self rescue, reach a place of emotional and psychological safety. Feel once again secure and confident, and regain their potency and personal power.